It’s not (just) your job that’s driving you nuts, it’s this nutty world

In therapy, clients will often talk about how they fell short of their expectations for themselves, or for some responsibility they feel they have to others.  People will talk about things like falling off of their workout routine 6 months ago (around the same time their beloved dog died) or a wife will feel shame for yelling at her husband after feeling disregarded in a “minor” way (the weekend that Roe v. Wade was overturned, which was devastating for her).  Particularly in couples therapy, people often express disappointment that the relationship isn’t feeling supportive enough until we walk through all that a particular moment’s array of life challenges that we were expecting the relationship to hold. When I connect the life event to their seemingly unrelated life experiences people are surprised that they never connected those dots themselves. 

When we consider all of the difficulties that face us in the world today; the lingering legacies of racism, sexism, LQBTQ discrimination and phobias, and so many other forms of hatred, rejection, and dismissal aimed at so many of our various communities, and how they are echoing loudly during our present times. The active wars that constantly bring new horrors upon innocent human beings and experiencing a climate crisis that is quickly transforming into a climate catastrophe that no one seems engaged enough with to actually forestall or prepare for.  It is an overwhelming time for so many communities, and as a member of whatever communities you belong to or care about, that overwhelm trickles down to your individual life as well.

I bring the challenges of the world into therapy with my clients; whether remarking in a couples’ session that how you treated each other may not be the only reason that tension amplified in the relationship in the Summer of 2020, or discussing with a young adult client that the rage being felt when they feel dismissed by a mentor might also include the rage they feel for that mentor’s generation, how they caused this climate crisis and aren’t listening to your generation’s fears regarding it and pleas to really do something about it. 

When the world around us is discussed as a contributing factor to our individual difficulties, clients often share a sense of relief, that all of these feelings that I’m having such a hard time holding aren’t all about me, or my partner, or kids, or job, etc.  My feeling overwhelmed is at least partially due to living in an often overwhelming world!

While you can and should continue to seek more effective ways to cope with stress and manage anxiety and more effective ways to communicate with significant people in your life, you can also give yourself and your relationships a little bit more grace by acknowledging the challenges that you face as a member of the communities that you are a part of, and as a citizen of the world and allow those things to take some responsibility for the strife that they cause you too.

This article was written by Gabrey Milner LMFT, a clinician who specializes in acknowledging and healing generational wounds that are held by marginalized communities. For more information or to schedule a complimentary consultation with Gabrey, please click here.